“Girlfriend Wont Hear My Toilet Flatulance If I Turn On Sink Taps” Thinks Waterford Man


A COUNTY Waterford man discovered an ingenious method for covering up his toilet flatulence today –  turning on the sink taps.

Dermot Casey, who stayed over in his girlfriends house last night, made his way to her en-suite bathroom at 9pm this morning, only to find he had to relieve his bowels while she waited-on in the adjoining bedroom.

“I wasn’t sure at the time how I was going to approach the situation, as she was wide awake next door,” recalled Mr. Casey. “Toilet bowls are like subwoofers at that time of the morning.”

After several failed attempts to gently break the air gap between his back-door and load, the 29-year-old electrician decided to go for the old ‘fake washing hands approach’.

“I figured she wouldn’t hear anything if I drowned out the farts and plops with the tap on full blast.” he explained. “I didn’t mind getting splashed by the thing, it was only a small price to pay for my embarrassment.”

Following his success this morning, Casey began thinking of other unique ways in which to drown out embarrassing bathroom noises.

“Turning on the shower is a good one.” he said. “Or if you don’t have either, try coughing it out.”

“Coughing and flatulence go hand in hand anyway.”

The grandson of four has been with his current partner for only three months, and couldn’t advise on when is a good time to ‘break the silence’.

“I listen out for her when she goes but she doesn’t make a peep.” he said “And every time I go in after her, the place smells like women’s deodorant.”

“She must be eating Potpourri.” he concluded.