Lidl Troops Mobilise At Border As Supermarket Price War Looms

LIDL bosses have confirmed that the gathering of troops along their borders with rival supermarkets is ‘nothing more than a training exercise’ following a sharp drop in milk prices that has sparked fears of an all-out price war.

The German-owned retail giant reduced the price of its own-brand milk range on Friday; shortly afterwards, troops wearing Lidl camouflage were seen lining the car park perimeters bordering Tesco, Aldi, Dunnes, SuperValu, and other less relevant stores across the country. The manoeuvre was interpreted by shoppers as the first sign of open hostilities, with competitors swiftly retaliating by cutting their own prices.

“First milk, then bread, eggs; God knows where this will end,” said one customer, displaying clear symptoms of supermarket Stockholm syndrome.

Many now fear that the conflict could force grocery prices to fall for the first time in five years, ending the nation’s captivity under the supermarket oligopoly.

Future casualties of the potential price war include small, family-run shops, which received no VAT relief in the latest budget despite facing the same cost pressures and are not expected to survive should the battle intensify, news that larger chains appear to welcome.

“If dropping the price of basic household necessities finishes off the small suppliers we have over a barrel, then it’s a war we’re all willing to fight,” a joint statement read.