Leaving Cert Cheats To Be Fast-Tracked Into Politics

THE world of politics is looking up this week after it emerged the number of Leaving Cert results permanently withheld for cheating has more than doubled.

Over 150 pupils were flagged for cheating this year, compared to just 70 last year, signalling a huge boost in the pipeline of chancers expected to take up careers in politics, finance, construction, and even An Garda Síochána.

“It’s a huge relief to know we’re still leading the way in producing crafty hoors who’ll try everything in their power to jump the proverbial queue,” a Fianna Fáil spokesman told WWN, welcoming the news with open arms. “We’ve already reached out to the students involved and are setting out a clear pathway for them to join Ógra Fianna Fáil.”

Citing the rise of Artificial Intelligence (AI) software such as ChatGPT as a factor in the surge, the Department of Education has now provided schools with official guidance on identifying AI-assisted coursework.

“If it has an em dash — then it’s AI,” the very brief one-sentence guide advised.

Meanwhile, ‘old school’ cheaters have voiced their frustration at the changing times.

“What happened to the days of writing Silas Marner notes on your lad and sneaking off to the jacks for a read?” lamented local self-confessed Leaving Cert cheat and now multi-billion euro hedge fund manager Michael Wade. “It’s all changed now.”

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