“It’s Either Work In The Shitty Job We Give You Or Starve” – Humphreys Defends Dole Fines

DOLE heads who refuse to engage with the government’s flawless social welfare ­employment services will see their benefits cut by €90 thanks to Minister for Social Protection Heather Humphreys in one of her last acts before leaving politics.

“I’ve been dying to give these work-shy louts a good kick up the backside since I started this role 4 years ago,” Humphreys said, defending her plan which more than doubled the previous fine of €44 for people who won’t take low-paid shitty jobs being forced on them.

“Aw you don’t want to work in Supermacs because you’re a 50-year-old man with more qualifications than I have but just can’t catch a break? Too bad, bucko, chicken breast meals don’t make themselves for drunk students at 2am – get to bloody work!”

Ms Humphreys, who last weekend made the shock decision to pull out of running in the general election because lucrative pension, clashed with ­coalition colleagues during budget 2025 over a proposal to increase the State pleb pension by €15 a week and leaving the jobseeker rate unchanged.

“I suppose the good thing is I won’t have to go to the post office in my fur coat and queue with these lazy yolks every week to collect mine as it goes straight to one of my bank accounts,” Humphreys admitted, seemingly unphased that 4,000 people in Ireland already on the bread line have had their welfare cut by such fines so far this year.

Meanwhile in the second richest country in Europe, a quarter of a million people in families that include a child under five are now living below the poverty line with homelessness is expected to reach 15,000 for Christmas.

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