Pilgrims Flock To Defecating Statue Of Virgin Mary

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WHILE the Vatican has spent weeks trying to bury the story, pilgrims from around the world keep flocking to a rural Irish village to gaze in wonder at an unfolding miracle.

“Look, there, I see it, a liquid message straight from her unmentionable,” cried out on pilgrim who traveled all the way from Bolivia, as the statue of the Virgin Mary at a grotto in Ballinferet began weeping from its posterior.

“Could it be a sign from God that the church is needs to be weened out of the body with a spiritual laxative? I can’t say,” local priest Fr Peter O’Neill told WWN, in what is the first official comment from a member of the clergy since the miraculous defecating started in October last year.

It didn’t take long for hawkers to start selling trinkets and memorabilia depicting the miracle, with a replica statue with a button that triggers defecating priced at €25.

The first person to report seeing the statue take a dump was local woman Fidelma Rodgers and she spoke to WWN of the amazing interaction.

“I asked Mary for a sign that everything would be right with the world and then I heard a low rumbling, which turned out to be the statue’s bowels and next thing I’m getting awful brown backsplash and this wave of number two flooded out. Why I’ve been blessed in such a way I don’t know but I’m never showering again,” Rodgers said, who credits the incident with reigniting her dormant faith.

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