Ways To Lose The Tag Of ‘Blow In’

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A PROBLEM that persists county-wide, how to earn your stripes as a local when people have a deep seethed hostility to anyone making the move from blow-in to ‘local’.

Fear not, WWN has mastered the art and has all the answers:

Develop a thick accent. No, even thicker than that.

Overdo it with the interest in local history. Be the only person to buy local man and amateur historian John O’Leary Jr’s 500-page book on the history of the update to the town’s sewage system which took place in 1991.

Craft an intense dislike of all future blow-ins, complaining that they are changing the fabric of the town for the worse.

Perhaps murder a fellow blow in to show locals you’re on their side.

If there’s a donation drive for a new roof on the GAA club make sure to be within the top five largest donations. Don’t be the top one however, as then you’re just being a blow in show off who thinks they’re better than everyone else.

Never visit friends or relatives from your home town. No, in fact you didn’t even know there was a road out of the town you live in now.

Ask the next 8 generations of your family to remain living in the town after you’re gone so that in 200 years time you can be considered a local family.

Memorise the names and addresses of all 1,034 residents in the town and send them Christmas cards for the next 40 years.

Refuse to participate in all All-Ireland related banter. Why would it boil your piss that neighbouring ‘X’ county is being slagged to death over a recent loss? You’re a local after all.

One way to endear yourself to people and become a dyed in the wool ‘local’ would be to build something on your property without the correct planning permission and then get into a bitter, long-standing dispute with the council. If there’s one thing people hate more than blow ins it’s the busy body council.

Fully train yourself up in the local gossip and become an essential cog in the gossip spreading economy. Leave no neighbour, teacher, business person without an affair or a dark secret.

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