Doonbeg Wondering If Trump Needs Any Character References For Rape Trial


RESIDENTS in Doonbeg, Clare have been queuing up outside the Donald Trump owned golf course to give the former US president the most Irish of welcomes.

No, not raising a pint in his honour or striking up some music and Irish dancing, instead locals are partaking in that treasured Irish tradition of offering a ‘pillar of the community’ a character reference after a run-in with the law.

“We’ve a priest or two, a GAA coach and a local businessman willing to go on record to say she’s only talking shite, and whatever she’s said, she’s lying,” confirmed locals, referencing Trump’s ongoing civil case in which he is accused of raping journalist E. Jean Carroll.

WhatsApp groups in surrounding towns were then launched into action as gossips freely disparaged his accuser with fabricated claims questioning her character and morals.

“He’s a great man, great employer for the area. It’s awful the lies they spread about him,” confirmed writer of a character reference, who in an unrelated matter gave his daughters strict instructions to avoid the golf club and nearby pubs while Trump is there.

Bestowing the status of honourary ‘Irish sports star’ on the golf-playing reality TV star, Trump was visibly emotional when presented with 978 character reference statements.

“Wow, you did this for me? These letters contain more fraudulent claims than my tax returns, I’m truly moved thank you,” said Trump, who confessed his regret at the fact he couldn’t deal with the trial through the Irish courts.