Saudis, Americans, Russians & Chinese Negotiating How Best To Divide Up Sudan’s Resources


WITH gold and oil among the leading exports of Sudan, nations are queuing up to divide the wealth of the nation as its current conflict threatens to spill over into all-out civil war.

“Regardless of which general you back, I think we can all agree we should each get a lucrative piece of the pie,” confirmed Saudi representatives, receiving a nod of acknowledgement from Russia, the US and China.

“Large-scale infrastructure projects will be taken away from indigenous firms, that’s a given. Developing world? Lol, they’re not allowed develop anything without us. China, that sounds like a fit for you?” proffered the Americans, in a collegial tone.

Arming rival forces led by General Abdul Fattah al-Burhan and General Mohammed Hamdan Dagalo has been declared a ‘fun free for all’ allowing nations a chance to gloat depending on the outcome of the ever spiraling conflict.

“Oh and hey, don’t forget to make Egypt and the UK look like they’re part of making decisions,” Russia reminded those present, noting the colonial history of Sudan.

Oil considerations have been placed with Saudi Arabia, while the US have expressed their desire to be the ones to choose which regime is installed when the dust settles that will then be overthrown by a US-backed coup at an as-of-yet undetermined time.

Weighing up the fact that the longer violent clashes are allowed to go on, the more likely it is critical infrastructure will need to be rebuilt, the nations were agreed on committing to evacuating their own citizens while only issuing bland statements calling for a ceasefire.

With most of the important details ironed out, the nations dispersed promising to reconvene at the UN security council where the US would condemn Russia’s hollow calls for peace across the world.