Rugby Fan To Spend Day Coming Down Off Grand Slam Win, Cocaine


WHILE the nation has been filled with wholesome images of the people gleefully celebrating Ireland’s 6 Nations grand slam victory while getting misty eyed at the sight of Johnny Sexton experiencing human emotion, one Dublin office worker has labeled organisers of the tournament a ‘disgrace’ and ‘irresponsible’.

“Setting this up on Paddy’s weekend was a horrific idea, dangerous even” said Donal Clatton, who had more bags over the long weekend than you’d find in the press under the kitchen sink.

“It’s one thing to come down off the natural high of the lads winning Ireland’s 4th grand slam but the additional post-coke come down is a step too far,” confirmed Clatton, who spent much of the 80 minutes of the victory against England in the pub toilets.

Very much adopting a ‘can’t enjoy a line-out without getting a line in’ attitude to a 5pm rugby kick off, Clatton and friends cheered on the team by forming regular scrums in a cubicle.

Clatton had canvassed his co-workers’ opinion on the short-sighted scheduling of the fixture right at the epicentre of the premier session weekend on the calendar, but several people defended tournament organisers.

“Isn’t this the same complaint you trotted out when you blamed your sister for having her daughter’s christening on a Tuesday which I believe you labeled as ‘the cokeist weekday in existence’?” said one coworker, only suffering hideously pungent bouts of depression due their weekend’s excessive alcohol intake.

One the worst side effects experienced by Irish rugby fans whose chosen method of celebrating victory was cocaine included an indefatigable belief that Ireland were guaranteed to win this autumn’s World Cup in France.