GOVERNMENT ministers confirmed they will respond to constituents’ panicked emails about imminent evictions as soon as they return from their St Patrick’s Day trade missions if you could please stopping bothering them.
“I’m to be kicked out on April 1st and the county council said it has not been authorised to buy my landlord’s property under a tenant-in-situ scheme? But you lot said that this scheme was in place and would prevent many evictions. Which is it? Help, please,” confirmed one desperate mother in an email to her local government TD.
A spokesperson for the government denied the majority of ministers disappearing abroad the week after announcing an end to the eviction ban end was ‘bad look’, before clarifying ‘a stunningly tin-eared move and borderline sociopathic’.
“I’m currently Out-Of-Office until I return from photo ops at a basket weaving symposium and Irish culture day in outer Mongolia, whatever your concern is it can’t possibly be more important than that so I will get back to you on my return or whenever the hangover wears off,” responded one minister.
“Council said they haven’t heard of this tenant-in-situ scheme expansion, have told me to use emergency homeless services which are at capacity and that’s before over 4500 eviction notices from end of 2022 become active soon, I’ve never been so scared in my life,” added another constituent to another minister in a similar email similarly hit with an out of office reply.
Such is the mass exodus of government TDs and officials in the week leading up to St Patrick’s Day, Bród, the President’s dog, is technically the highest ranking representative in Ireland currently and while he knows more about housing than the government, he doesn’t speak English.