Seven Years Later & Brexit Still A Fucking Thing

A WATERFORD woman who had been in a coma since 2016 has spoken her first words after waking up, expressing gratitude to the staff that helped nurse her back to health while also stating his incredulity that even now, in 2023, Brexit still lingers like a toxic fart.

Elsewhere, a Dublin man released from Mountjoy Prison this morning after spending 7 years incarcerated for murder has also added that he really hoped he’d be walking into a world free from protocol this and hard border that, adding that he might violate his parole to get a bit of peace until everything was done and dusted.

Meanwhile, a Galway young lad who returned home after a round-the-world trip that saw him visit pubs in over 35 countries has expressed dismay that Brexit still looks as close to a satisfying conclusion as the last episode of The Sopranos.

In similar news, a group of friends have emerged bleary-eyed and confused from a screening of Avatar 2 to find that even after sitting through the arse-numbing epic, the EU and Ireland still haven’t figured out how to disentangle the situation that threatens to derail the Good Friday Agreement in Northern Ireland.

Conversely, the Conservative Party in the UK are congratulating themselves for their first year free from any Brexit worries since 2016, satisfied that they’ve done a great job and that the public can look forward to reaping the economic rewards of their actions for years to come.