Office Creep Only Communicating In Sexual Innuendos


IN AN EFFORT to make any female coworker he comes into contact with recoil in horror, self-proclaimed ladies man Cormac Kinshart abides by the outlook that inane work discussion should not be devoid of sexual innuendo, WWN can confirm.

Working in Waterford solicitor’s firm Gack, Horgan, Mullen, Gack & Associates, Kinshart has carved out a reputation as someone no one wants to talk with, for fear he will turn a basic query into a clever turn of phrase which alludes to a sexual act.

“Hey Cormac, I need that file on my desk, the Lonergan one, when you get a chance,” remarked Kinshart’s coworker Sharon Jennings before she promptly tried to leave the immediate area before the 28-year-old could utter one of his classic witty ripostes.

“You want me to defile you on my desk? Sharon, behave,” Kinshart said, implying he would very much like to have non-consensual sexual intercourse with his coworker, but in such a way Kinshart has gone on record as describing as ‘harmless’.

Closer inspection of all of Kinshart’s interactions with female coworkers have revealed that the last time he participated in a conversation without using a sexual innuendo was on his first day in the firm in late 2013.

Attempts to simply ignore Kinshart or have disciplinary action taken against him have proven difficult as HR have confirmed that Kinshart goes for pints with one of the Gacks most weekends.