Is This Automatic Soap Dispenser Enough Of A Talking Point To Save Your Marriage?


A NEW wall-mounted kitchen gadget that sits above your worktop and automatically dispenses just the right amount of soap when you wave your hand underneath it could be just the thing you and your spouse need to buy your failing marriage another six months or so, according to relationship experts.

Available from most homewares stores, the useful gadgets can help maintain good hygiene while preparing food and cleaning up around the home, as well as giving estranged husbands and wives something to talk about in a bid to cut through the eerie silence that has grown like a weed in the once-fertile garden that was their love.

Choked by the noose of nitpicking at everything the other does, married couples can enjoy renewed nuggets of daily conversation about the dispenser – ‘how is the dispenser working out?’, ‘That dispenser is handy, isn’t it?’, ‘What did we ever do before that dispenser, eh?’ These phrases will shave minutes off the amount of time they spend staring at each other until one decides it’s time to go to bed, leaving the other watching nothing in particular on telly.

“An automatic soap dispenser also requires maintenance, creating a new way for the couples to depend on each other,” said Zsasa Hanlon, relationship expert.

“She can choose the right soap to put in it, he can make changing the batteries his ‘job’… this way, they can have something that they convince themselves is a joint undertaking that can only continue as long as their marriage does. If they buy one now, who knows, they might actually get one more Christmas out of their loveless union”.

Hanlon admitted that at some stage the failure to look after the dispenser may become just another nail in the coffin of the marriage, but at that point the couple could get a slowcooker or a dog or have a baby or something.