Drink Drivers Advised To Use Roads Gardaí Don’t Check

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A GROWING number of drink driving experts are urging people who have only ‘had a few’ to drive home on roads that are not patrolled by Garda checkpoints.

“Basically every road is grand at this stage, judging from the last few months,” explained serial life endangerer and drink driving prick Simon Cassidy Buckley.

With the news that Gardaí are operating fewer checkpoints due to continued strangulation of resources, it is believed a reduction in the likelihood of being caught will see drink drivers take to roads and act very responsibly when widely veering across poorly lit roads at 1am.

Rural communities are said to be rejoicing at the news that their pint heavy evenings, followed by some drag racing will likely go unpunished.

“Those checkpoints can be very dangerous,” confirmed Kerry resident Shea Langton, “you’d be flying along and they expect you to slam on the breaks just to blow into some yoke, but it’s dangerous to slow down once you hit over 120 kilometres an hour, I’m glad they’ve got the message”.

A recent study has conclusively proven that the majority of drink drivers have nothing to feel guilty about as long as they get home in one piece.

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