A PANICKED Nation is now furiously consulting Wikipedia in the hope of learning all of the names of the leaders involved in 1916 off by heart, with a Government imposed deadline of Easter Sunday put in place this morning.
“They sacrificed so much and that sacrifice paved the way for a lot more, the least we can do is learn their names off by heart,” confirmed minister for 1916 Commemorations Noel Healy.
While a large portion of the public passionately believe in the motives, actions and ideals of the 1916 leaders and recall their names with little prompting, an even larger number of people lose track of the names after Pearse, Plunkett, Connolly and the other ones.
“We have such a great deal of magnificent events planned to celebrate and acknowledge the leaders, but they will all be cancelled if we can’t at least remember the 7, or 8, or is it 9 names?” Healy confirmed.
It is believed the threat of event cancellation is only a ploy from the Government to force people into studying up on the leaders’ identities, some penalties will put in place for those who fail to learn them all.
“I think the ultimate cut out will be when people are attempting to attend any public events, they will be asked to name all the leaders and if they can’t, they will be refused admission,” confirmed Dublin bouncer Declan Higgins, who is just one of 4,000 doormen being drafted in to work the door at the commemorative events.
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