Cork Lad Changes His Tune About Apple’s Tax Affairs


CORK lad Colum Quinlan has shut the fuck up about Apple’s controversial tax contributions to the Irish Exchequer, mere seconds after Apple CEO confirmed 1,000 jobs in Cork yesterday, WWN has learned.

“Always said he was a good skin,” confirmed the business graduate who had spent the last 12 months endlessly linking to opinion pieces which criticised Apple’s tax affairs, flooding his social media accounts.

Quinlan, a man of unquestionable character and backbone is said to be lucky to have escaped serious injury despite performing a dangerous 180 degree change in opinion in a very short time frame.

“I’ve always said they’re sound lads, sure themselves and Cork are a match made in heaven. Best company and city in the world, strengthening ties and that like,” Quinlan confirmed, while combing through his old Facebook posts deleting several hundred of the more critical ones.

A timely boost for the county was welcomed by Quinlan, who confirmed the company’s tax affairs and profits are no longer his business now that they’ve increased their number of employees in Cork, no matter how cynical their practices are.

“Jobs lads, they’re bringing jobs and you have the temerity to start droning on about ‘oh well they don’t pay enough tax’. Sure, I don’t pay any tax in America, I don’t hear any American lads with sour grapes like. Just leave off. A class company, a class county. End of,” Quinlan screamed aggressively at a friend from nearby Limerick who remained critical of the company.