Child Labourers Announce New iPad Is A Total Bitch To Make


FOLLOWING the proud announcement of a new 13 inch “super-tablet” by tech giants Apple at their annual product launch, a spokesperson for a child labour group in the Far East have expressed that they hope consumers enjoy the new product because man, that thing is a bitch to make.

Apple CEO Tim Cook took to the stage in San Francisco yesterday and unveiled not only the iPhone 6s and 6s plus, but a new version of the iPad which offers the biggest screen found on an Apple mobile device to date.

The must-have new gadget will employ the new ios9 operating system, and is set to revolutionise the way people ignore each other at home and on the bus.

Hsu Taan, the 13-year-old spokesperson for child labourers employed at factories which manufacture key components for the new iPad Pro, made a subsequent statement in which he spoke about how glad he was that gadget geeks would be able to finally get their hands on the tablet that he and his pint-sized coworkers lost so many fingernails making.

“It was hard work, but we think we managed to turn out exactly what the designers demanded” said Hsu, one of hundreds of under-16 workers making pitifully low wages while working in dreadful conditions as part of Apple’s supply chain across China, Taiwan and 14 other countries.

“Although the tablet itself is bigger, everything inside it has shrunk so that you get the best possible screen resolution, hardware power and battery life. That’s where our little fingers come into play! But it’s all worth it in the end, when you see someone in the west watching YouTube videos of cats falling down stairs, on the product you lost an eye making”.

Spokespeople at Apple declined to comment on Taan’s remarks, as they were too busy showing off the Apple Pencil, whatever the hell that is.