WWN Motoring Guide: Owning A Merc & Not Looking Like A Prick

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It is not easy to escape a stereotype and for this reason Mercedes sales in Ireland have plummeted as Irish drivers just don’t want to be known as gigantic pricks.

However, WWN has spoken to several experts on the subject and have identified ways in which the average Merc owner can avoid becoming a prick.

Mercedes were able to combat the majority of the problems associated with pricks and their cars in the early 1990s after they discovered that a lead-based paint they used on their cars actually had behaviour altering properties. Once the paint was changed, many drivers appeared significantly less prickish in their ways, however, for a small minority the problem still persisted.

A key part of not looking like a prick is actually not being a prick at all, and this starts even before you set foot in your Merc.

Noted prickologist Gertrude Havas has stated that one should refrain from saying ‘oh me? I drive a Merc’, with a tone that suggests you’ve just liberated wartime Paris from the Nazis – it’s only a car after all.

While for many a Merc can be a great car: it handles well and the sleek German design is considered iconic in some quarters, it does have the unfortunate downside of added 12,000 prick power to the average driver.

My test drive of a Mercedes SLK ended abruptly after I found myself suddenly racing through the streets in search of prostitutes, it seems not all the prick kinks have been worked out of the latest models.

The purchase of a large hat which obscures your identity is recommended, were you to be spotted driving your Merc you run the risk of someone instantly thinking you’re a prick. Do not buy driving gloves.

It’s essential to refuse to glue your hand to the car horn, and while you’re at it, now would be a good time to become familiar with normal actual parking spaces that aren’t disabled spaces, cyclists or elderly people.

If you are constantly mindful of not appearing to seem like the type of person who would murder a prostitute on a whim and bury them in the mountains, owning a Merc could really be a possibility for you.

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