Nation Stunned By Closure Of Store They Never Shopped In


CONSUMERS across the country have expressed their dismay at the closure of Clery’s department store in Dublin city centre, despite it being years since any of them bought anything in it.

Workers at the landmark store, which predates the formation of the state, were shocked on Friday when liquidators arrived and told them that Clery’s was now closed, with immediate effect. Hundreds of staff were told that their jobs were now simply gone, with many finding out via social media.

The move was met with universal condemnation across the country as people who never set foot in the iconic store began to wonder how it could have ever gone out of business.

“It’s a disgrace that this has been allowed to happen,” said Maire Finnarty, who walked past Clery’s twice a day but never in her life bought anything in it. “All those people losing their jobs. Could someone not have done something? As someone who shops in any of the dozens of department stores across the city, I blame the Government”.

Thousands of people backed up the assertion that something other than actually shopping in Clery’s should have been done to save the store, which has had well-publicised financial difficulties for the past five years.

The loss of Clery’s is another blow for O’Connell Street, which now consists of not much more than a big Supermacs and a branch of Ann Summers. Plans to revitalise the area are currently being abandoned for a scheme which will see the area abandoned to the scores of drug addicts and homeless people that populate it, possibly including the erection of a big wall.