Pornography Fan Can’t Figure Out Why His Laptop Is Running So Slow


MARK Caghnavan, a Dublin student and avid fan of hardcore online pornography, has expressed bafflement as to how his laptop is running so slow and crashing so often.

Caghnavan, 23, uses his laptop for his studies, browsing social media, downloading porn from free sites and torrenting TV shows and movies on a near-constant basis. Recently, the Dell product has experienced bouts of crashing, slowing down to a glacial pace, and showing pop-up ads for penis enlargement products every five minutes.

The Harolds Cross based student has cast aside claims that perhaps he has picked up a malicious computer bug, claiming that the antiviral software he downloaded for free from a banner ad on his favourite porn site is 10% up to date.

“Maybe I need more RAM, or something, ” said Caghnavan, taking a ten minute break from pulling himself while watching MILFs get gangbanged.

“Or it could be that the processor isn’t capable of keeping up with new websites. They do that, you know, the computer companies; they make their products with a built-in propensity to fail after so long. That way you always have to keep updating, buying new software and the like. It’s the only explanation”.

Reluctant to take the laptop to his local computer repair shop, Caghnavan will persevere with the slow speed of his online browsing while yanking himself off six times a day.