Girlo Finally Achieves Masso Status



THERE was jubilant scenes in the home of Dublin teenager Amy Halpin this week, after the young girl received news that she had finally been bestowed with the title of ‘masso girlo’ by a committee of her peers.

Halpin, 17, cites years of hard work posing for selfies on public transport as well as a rigorous social calender packed with house parties and underage discos as factors which helped her transition from ‘hunzo’ to ‘masso girlo’.

“Some girlos achieve masso, and others have masso thrust upon them,” said Ciara Ingleby, the 15-year-old chairperson of the Irish Masso Girlo association.

“Amy has worked hard to stand out from the crowd, never lets herself be pictured without a full face of make-up or a bottle of blue WKD, and exudes the air of not being bothered by anything or anyone that just cements her position as a true masso girlo”.

Halpin, who has a black boyfriend and so what, wasted no time taking to her profiles across 17 different social media profiles to thank those around her for helping her achieve massoness.

“Shout out to all mi hunzos, (cry face, cry face, thumbs up),” commented Halpin on a picture of herself on her Pics-hit account, in which she is posing in the mirror of a bathroom with a one hand on her hip.

“U 2 can achieve ur dreamz of being totes Masso girlos (starry-eyed face, love heart, cocktail). Keep postin ur selfies and getting drunk in town, and nvr 4get to keep screaming at evryting, all the time, always. Stay masso (kiss face, kiss face, tree, stop sign)”.

Sources close to Halpin, who has her Leaving Cert next year and just can’t even, say that she plans to celebrate her new Masso-ness by spending the weekend traveling around town on the bus with her fellow girlos, playing Rihanna songs loudly and shrieking excitedly at nothing in particular.