Gas Bastard’s New Year’s Resolution Is To Not To Have A New Year’s Resolution

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SELF-CONFESSED ‘gas bastard’ Ciaran Lally finally revealed his New Year’s resolution as the end of the year fast approaches.

In a hastily put together press conference at the corner of Murphy’s Pub in Dungarvan, Lally shared his wishes with assembled friends and local media.

In direct opposition to popular resolutions such as losing weight, getting a new job or finally divorcing that husband, Lally’s resolution flew in the face of convention.

“Ah sure my New Year’s resolution is to have no more New Year’s resolutions,” Lally said while not forgetting to pause afterwards, allowing his friends the opportunity to laugh.

Despite the excruciating post-joke silence, Lally confirmed his gas bastard status by suggesting a round of Jager bombs. While scientific research in the field of gas bastardness is in its infancy, it is believed at least 1 in every 10 people contains traces of gas bastard.

“I’m a bit disappointed to be honest, I was sitting on that joke for a good few weeks just waiting for someone to mention New Year’s,” a downbeat Lally confirmed to WWN.

Several key witnesses to the incident have confirmed the deathly silence, but disputed other claims made by Lally.

“I suppose I didn’t laugh because it’s about the tenth year in a row he’s trotted it out,” shared friend of Lally’s Eimear Donovan.

Keen to put the incident behind him, Lally sought to regain the respect and laughter of his friends by renaming New Year’s, changing its long held title to ‘New Beers’.

“Ah, I just came up with it on the spot, I think it landed, but everyone kind of headed off home then so I couldn’t get a good read of the room to be honest,” added Lally.

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