“There Was A Second Elbower On The Grassy Knoll” Claims Frank Feighan

Fine Gael TD Frank Feighan has finally spoken out about the seemingly reprehensible act which saw him elbow a member of the public several times as the man attempted to talk to Taoiseach Enda Kenny who had just arrived in Roscommon.

Feighan had issued an apology via a statement for the incident, but has since been ordered by Fine Gael party officials to stay out of sight, meaning he has been confined to the spare room in his Roscommon home.

WWN had heard reports that Feighan had felt isolated in the intervening days, with his solitude consisting of watching the Fair City omnibus and eating an unhealthy number of fig rolls.

Now Feighan has emerged, breaking his silence, to reveal for the first time the true version of the events which have gripped the public’s imagination.

“There was a second elbower on the grassy knoll,” Feighan exclusively told WWN, “the camera footage is inconclusive because it’s quite grainy if you look closely,” Feighan told us from his spare room which was cloaked in darkness.

Puffing on a cigarette and blowing rings of smoke in our direction, Feighan intimated that the second elbower may have had military training.

“I’m the fall guy, just look at the footage, I may have elbowed the man for seemingly no justifiable reason other than my own loose grip on reality, but there is a second, at this point unreported on, elbow,” Feighan said as his eyebrows danced on his forehead seeking a kindred spirit.

Little is known about the second elbower, but judging by Feighan’s description, the person in question is the owner of an athletic and unnaturally hairy arm and elbow.