Tensions Ease As Rory McIlroy Autograph Kid Is Believed To Be Russian



A MINOR international incident has been averted following fresh revelations which has allowed newly crowned Open champion Rory McIlroy keep his crown and that coveted claret jug.

McIlroy, 25, was widely described as ‘worse than Hitler’ by the internet following his carefully calculated decision not to award a young fan with an autograph, was said to be close to being stripped of his title yesterday.

Since the incident occurred WWN can exclusively reveal that the child was in fact Russian, rendering the on-line debate pointless with no further action being sought by the relevant authorities.

Fans of inexplicable hatred for people they’ve never met were said to be disappointed the child was not from a more useful place such a Gaza, Iraq or Syria.

“Despite the fact we have evidence Rory had been planning this particular autograph snub for over 12 years, no action will be taken because the kid is a bloody Russian,” explained Randolph Hughes Craddock Boddington, a member of the R & A.

Not all golf fans are happy with the news that McIlroy will face no jail time for his crimes against autograph hunters.

“He’s an ambassador for UNICEF Ireland and does a hell of a lot more charity work than me, but when he made a decision in a split second not to sign an autograph I decided he’s gotta be a right bastard. Which he is by the way, that’s a scientific fact,” explained avid watcher of things put up on the internet just to get a reaction from you, John Dillane.

John was not alone in his condemnation of the golfing superstar.

“If I can boil down someone’s life to one benign incident which lasted .00034 of a second and judge them mercilessly I will fucking do it and you can’t stop me,” explained fellow internet user Cormac Treacy, “a prick is a is prick, is a prick.

I’ve never ever done anything in my life that if circulated on the internet would see me criticised so I feel a bit of an authority on the whole thing. It’s just a shame the kid is Russian, we could have got Nike to drop Rory and then see him descend into a life of poverty. It would have been great to watch”.

The majority of fans of men wearing chequered pants who hit balls with sticks were said to be unmoved by this latest incident much to the chagrin of the media.