Trump Secures Key Last Minute Endorsement From Ghost Of Timothy McVeigh

A LAST MINUTE intervention from the unlikeliest of endorsers has given Donald Trump’s campaign much needed momentum that could push undecided voters his way.

“Wow, we couldn’t have dreamed of a better name to get, and to think Kamala is stuck with Beyoncé,” said one Trump campaign source, who had been holding out for an endorsement from Robert E. Lee’s ghost, but the Oklahoma bomber will do.

Timothy McVeigh was famously an opposer of tyrannical government and could convince some doubters that Trump’s plans to weaponise the government against citizens and limit freedoms is all hearsay and hyperbole. McVeigh is sometimes unfairly referred to only as a mass murderer.

“I wasn’t 100% sure until the ghost of Timothy appeared in a Telegram chat, but now I’m definitely going to take my Glock, Remington 700, AR-15, Mossberg 590 and Colt Python down to a polling station to make sure everyone is preserving democracy by voting for Trump and only Trump,” said one man who believes a woman being fairly elected president is basically Ruby Ridge.

“Sometimes a festering paranoia accelerated by the algorithms on tech sites owned by billionaires isn’t enough to convince you the government is going to kill you and that only a convicted criminal one time friend of Jeffrey Epstein found liable for sexual assault is the only man who can save you. Every now and then you need the endorsement of the ghost of the man who committed the deadliest domestic terror attack on US soil,” confirmed a Trump campaign official, feeling better about today’s polling.

Elsewhere, US pharmaceutical companies have reported record sales of Valium today as voters clench their buttocks tight enough to crack a coconut.