Things More Fun Than Actually Getting Your Life Together

IS THE suffocating sense that you need to get your life together enveloping the very space around you? Spreading across your chest like an expanding life jacket made of cement? Do you fear you’ve indulged your inertia for too long and now it may be too late to turn things around? Does this anxiety gnaw at you like a rat made of panic chews through an electric cable?

Ah jaysus, don’t be worrying about all that, here’s things which are much more fun (and less mentally taxing) than getting your life together:

Finding flaws in others and making them feel miserable to cheer yourself up.

A nice, long walk to the bottom of tub of Ben & Jerrys.

Pints.

Lines.

Pints of lines and lines of pints.

Spending 18 consecutive hours watching YouTube conspiracy videos about celebrity deaths.

Yelling ‘no your life is out of control’ at the circle of loved ones attending what appears to be your intervention.

Have a child to distract yourself from your unresolved issues. Have children already and it’s not working? Well, now you have someone to blame for your unhappiness!

Buying something nice online even though it’s the last of your money and pay day is a week away (be sure to check out waterfordwhispers.shop for all your avoiding getting your life together needs).

Constantly Googling ‘when is universal basic income being implemented?’ and ‘can AI take over my job, please?’.

Eating Denise in account’s birthday cake and smearing a trace of the icing on Joanne’s keyboard to implicate her in your crimes.

Eating Denise. The pressure to ‘get your life together’ will be gone completely if you become a cannibal and go on the run from the police.

Googling the most prolific cannibals and feeling inadequate when you read about Udre Udre’s world record breaking cannibalism. Ah shit, how can you compete with that? It’s time to begin the cycle of avoiding getting your life together all over again.