“Sure It Never Did Me Any Harm,” Man Insists Of All The Most Harmful Things He Was Subjected To As A Child Which Continue To Mark Him Today


BEMOANING how everybody and their dog seems to be openly declaring the fact they have suffered one ‘trauma’ or the other stemming from an incident in their lives, local man Stephen Kilester maintains people make too much of a big deal about the sorts of things that have marked him permanently and hindered his life at every turn.

“Boo hoo, your teacher bullied you in school? You Mam threw you a few slaps? You were held up with a knife working in a Spar, c’mon people, I’ve plenty worse stories but you can’t be a wallowing walk over,” offered Kilester, with enough pent up stress and unresolved emotional turmoil to rival a nuclear bomb’s devastating blast.

“My auld lad was from a generation that didn’t show their love to their kids, but that’s just the way it was, therapy this, trauma that, what a load of nonsense, never did me harm in the end” continued Kilester, who would instinctively break down in tears now if anyone showed him a modicum of genuine affection.

Kilester went on to say that this trend of speaking about the harm people have done to you and how it has potentially knocked your confidence or made an impact on your life will be the ruination of society as we know it.

“Everywhere you look, soft lads. Softer than me when I try to make love on account of how traumatised I am from the time my older brother forced me to lose my virginity to a brasser he bought me for my 16th birthday. But like I said these things didn’t do me harm and there’s people writing fecking memoirs about how no one loved them. Made of nothing these days, therapy? Ha! Meditation? Talking? Have you ever heard of such nonsense,” concluded Kilester, who at least could take comfort in the fact he hadn’t let in sons turn into the type of people who feel comfortable expressing themselves.