Things The Government Could Do To Boost Its Popularity

IT’S been a tough time for the coalition parties and it could do with some easy PR wins which helps recover whatever remains of its reputation.

In an attempt to end the animus brewing due to the lifting of the eviction ban, WWN has agreed to moonlight as the government’s crisis PR team, and believe the following are surefire ways to get back in everyone’s good books and dispel the feeling the government is completely out of touch:

Double down on the dismissive treatment of genuine concerns about evictions.

Continue to react to a photoshop of gardaí at an eviction like someone shat in your mouth and sewed it shut.

Get the Taoiseach to say people are wrong to call them evictions because actually, ‘technically, they’re called notices to quit’.

Pick a fight with Fr Peter McVerry and make out like a person who has dedicated much of his life to ending homelessness is a liar. Celebrate getting McVerry to apologise for claiming the Taoiseach overruled the Min for Housing, who wanted to extend the eviction ban, like it was Ireland winning a World Cup.

Defend the Minister for Housing’s claim that ahead of announcing the end to the eviction ban he had no idea how many notices to quit had been issued in the final quarter of 2022, even when it turns out the Department of Housing would have known the exact figure for weeks.

If some journalists ask a government TD why the two apartments above their constituency office lay dormant in Cavan when over 1,000 people are on a housing list in the county, gain a boost by following Heather Humphreys’s lead by telling them to ‘fuck off and leave me alone’.

BONUS: could the next TD who has lied on planning permission or not declared rental income please step forward.

Shrug shoulders at news that that dozens of migrants are now homeless after they were evicted from a migrant centre at Citywest Hotel after staff there faked a ‘fire alarm drill’ and then refused to let people back on the premises. Don’t comment on the fact the gardaí were on hand to help either. Actually, this genuinely might work.

Poison Micheal D Higgins’ dogs.

Find a child interviewed about waiting 5 years for surgery to fix their back and push them out of their wheelchair.

Cause toxic levels of cringe by jumping on the new Barbie movies memes trend.

Supply arms to Russia.

Hope Biden’s visit will brush all this under the carpet.