Rebel County Hasn’t Rebelled In Ages


THE COUNTY of Cork is in serious danger of losing its designation as the ‘Rebel County’ after new research suggests it hasn’t rebelled in ages.

The Irish Council of County Names and Nicknames (ICCNN) has warned Cork it has until May next year to rebel or it will be stripped of its treasured title.

“This may seem unfair but other counties are still upping their games, look at Wicklow – ‘The Garden of Ireland’, it’s filled up to the eyesball with gardens. No complaints from the ICCNN there, but Cork, not a rebel or rebellion in sight since the War of Independence,” confirmed ICCNN spokesperson Dermot Kilty.

The ICCNN warning could pave the way for a large scale Cork-based rebellion to occur in the coming months, owing to how proud Corkonians are of the county’s title.

“Rebellion is it? Name the time and the place and I’ll be out there ambushing the Black and Tans, ambushing them t’fuck so I will, Rebel County status restored like,” confirmed outraged Cork native Tony Gillick, who had an intense look in his eyes that was worrying to say the least.

Local historians have sympathised with the anger felt by contempary Rebel County resident at news of the ICCNN’s ruling however, they have conceded the organisation has a point.

“It’s been a fair while since there’s been any rebelling out of you lot now in fairness,” confirmed historian Michael Lemming, “it’d be like if Louth got really massive over night but insisted on still being called the ‘Wee County’, like it’s just honest is it?” added Lemming from inside the safety of a 12 foot steel box which an angry mob of Cork natives had surrounded earlier in the day.