Seeing Snow & Not Losing Your Shit, A Guide


WITH reports of snowfall hitting areas of the country today, bringing further reports of grown adults ‘completely losing their shit’, WWN has taken upon itself to provide readers with a guide to remaining calm in the face of white stuff falling from the sky.


It’s important to breathe in and out in a normal fashion. It is just snow.

Seriously, fucking relax

Are you clapping your hands excitedly and squealing? Christ.

You’ve seen snow before

Remember, you saw some the last time it snowed. Why is your face pressed up against the window? Why are you screaming with the same delight a child does when they’re handed a lifetime supply of toys and chocolate?

Why are you running after it?

Christ, control yourself, people will see you. Don’t look so surprised, of course it fucking melts when you catch it in your hand. This is going to be a long day.

Really? Texting everyone you know the word ‘snow’?

Are you in the unique and improbable position of only knowing blind, deaf and dumb people who need the outside world described to them at all times? Oh, you are, okay sorry about that, but still no need to write it in all caps and attach 45 exclamation marks.

Where are you going with those skis?

There’s .0003 of a millimetre of snow out there, tops, this can only end in a trip to the hospital. Don’t come crying to us.

See, we told you, didn’t we? There’s blood everywhere now, on your favourite wooly jumper and everything

Ah, we said ‘don’t come crying to us’. Literally we did, it’s there in the last answer above. On the M50 in a pair of skis, honestly, you’ve no shit left to lose you colossal eejit.