5 Things That Change As You Get Older

GETTING old is no fun, or so people will have you believe. And, honestly, they may be right. However, too few people discuss what old age has in store for us all.

Lucky for you, WWN is now going to break that taboo by sharing with you, 5 things that change as you get older:

1) Shrinkage

The human body shrinks by as much as 75% as individuals age. This would explain why your grandparents are all hunched over and under two feet tall. It’s not all bad though as contrary to a popular myth, your sex drive will increase by some 400%.

2) Acquire racist thoughts

While many people already have these, it is especially prevalent in older people. The phenomenon, known as OPR (Old People Racism) is a direct result of a chemical change in the body as we age. Isn’t the human body a truly fascinating thing?

3) You keep growing hair everywhere

The body as it ages, seeks to prolong its life by ensuring it is able to survive cold winter temperatures. This is why we often see older people with dense hair forests growing out of their eyebrows, ears, nostrils and everywhere else.

4) What?

As you get older your hearing can often fail you. This can be an opportunity for younger people to say things behind your back. Such insulting behaviour should not be tolerated, and can to counter with a shift and forceful strike to the head with your walking stick.

5) It’s all bullshit

As you enter your autumn years a very clear realisation that human existence in and of itself is bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit. What was the point of it all? Who fucking knows. Here’s to aging gracefully!