Parents Told To Get All Their Smacking Of Their Kids In Now As It’s Set To Be Outlawed


FOLLOWING findings by the Council of Europe Irish parents have been told to get all their smacking of their children out of the way right now by the Government.

Fearing the law will be amended any day now to outlaw the act of beating your child lovingly, Irish parents up and down the country have been told to discipline their children right away.

“I’d just urge parents to think ahead,” said parenting expert Colin Sullivan, “if your child is 6 years old today, and the smacking of him could be made illegal soon, you should bear in mind all and any potential misbehaviour he’ll engage in – in the future. You should probably try to fit the next 6 years of disciplinary smacking in the next 24 hours”.

Children who have the arses smacked off them as a way of explaining what they have done is wrong have expressed relief at the Council of Europe’s ruling that Irish law as it stands is in violation of the European Social Charter.

“Ah this is the Nanny State gone mad,” explained mother-of-six Eileen McGrath, “how else are my kids supposed to know I love them unless I’m striking them while screaming at the top of my lungs?”

Parents continued to be outraged by what has been deemed political correctness gone mad.

“Typical Government nonsense, the arm is hanging off me now,” said exhausted parent Noel Kilbride, “as soon as I heard about it on the radio I started smacking the two youngest but you know what I think I’ve done some damage to my wrist,” Kilbride added.

In an official statement the Government confirmed that they would eventually have to close what is effectively a common law loophole sometime soon.

“We’ll try to delay actually doing the right thing for the sake of the parent’s right to teach God awful little shits a lesson or two but time is sadly running out,” the statement began.

The Government went on to recommend that if parents were fatigued from fitting in all the physical violence carried out on their children in the 24 hours, they should enlist the help of the eldest child or a neighbour.

“I actually just have them run into the doors, saves my hand a lot of bother and that way my arthritis don’t act up,” offered zero time nominee for the father of the year Alan Dillon.