Presidential Candidates Fiercely Advocate Political Positions Constitution Forbids Them From Expressing Once In Office

AS ANOTHER DAY on the campaign trail gets underway, presidential candidates are once again pressing the flesh, attending easy photo PR opportunities and passionately sharing their deeply held ideological beliefs which will be neutered the second they enter office, WWN can reveal.

“I want to leave the public in no doubt that when they vote for me, they’re getting a president who feels incredibly strongly about radical solutions to issues I’m not allowed have opinions on the second I’m president, vote for me!” shared all three candidates seconds into a televised debate.

“With all due respect to my fellow candidates but their long held beliefs they can’t espouse in office are inferior to my beliefs which I too can’t make a peep about once I’m in office,” countered one candidate.

“I’ll fight tooth and nail for the Irish public, in that non-political way an Irish president is required too. I’ll stay silent but just remember all the opinions I have now, so you can be sure you’re voting in the right person to be very unbiased, apolitical and non-adversarial when in the Áras,” said another candidate as a rejoinder.

Sparring on heady intellectual differences which laid bare the stark ideological differences, the candidates appealed to the public through forceful and inspiring rhetoric.

“Mark my words a vote for me and the principles I hold will mean once in office I won’t be able to follow through on any of this really, but I’ll host a nice garden party or two,” concluded the candidates.