Presidential Hopefuls Bowing Out Of Race Politely Decline Chance To Volunteer In Communities

ANOTHER DAY brings another drop out in the race for president as the deadline for nominations looms.

Devastated at missing out on the chance to do good for the people of Ireland, recent dropouts from the race have spoken movingly about how this is only the beginning of their quest to serve the people, lift up their communities and devote their time to the betterment of those less fortunate.

“No, I was very much a pose for photos, use office to enhance my brand and enrich myself type of candidate,” confirmed one candidate whose name we’ve already forgotten.

The loss of such high calibre of departing candidates, who had a unique disposition which bred in them a singular desire to serve the people, represents a hollowing out of Ireland’s very conscience.

“Help people, like, for free? Haha, what an odd thing for me to possibly do? What a random question. I don’t think that’s what people were looking for in a presidential candidate at all, they wanted me to pretend to really care right up until I knew I hadn’t a hope. Anyway, fuck off and leave me alone until such a time as I need media coverage again,” confirmed another once hopeful candidate.

“Volunteer my time for free? For the good of Irish society? No, sorry, I’m fucking back of the US and instantly forgetting about every single issue facing the very young people I said I wanted to help with in Ireland,” offered someone who was trying to run for president but is now running away from offering their expertise they said made them the perfect fit to become president.

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