Boss Who Claims He’s A ‘Glass Half Full’ Kind Of Person Actually A Whinging Bollocks
TELESALES supervisor Jerome Murphy was secretly branded a “whinging bollocks” today by agents after delivering a lengthy team discussion on being positive in the workplace.
Murphy, who prides himself on his own enthusiasm, advised workers to “smile when speaking on the phone”, as customers can hear it in their voices, adding that having a “glass half full” attitude can make all the difference between a “sale or a fail”.
“Going forward, everyone of you guys can hit those sales targets if you are optimistic enough,” said the 42-year-old bachelor of no kids worth talking about. “It’s all about you being in the right frame of mind. Don’t be afraid to think outside the box when selling to people – be ahead of the curve.
“I’m a bit of a visionary when it comes to sales techniques so don’t be afraid to ask me for any tips or advice. My door is always open,” he claimed, unaware of the giggles in the back of the florescent-lit room.
Following the brief, sales agents Derek Clarke slammed Mr. Murphy’s approach to team leading, claiming that he was just “regurgitating” phrases from a managerial self-help book he had on his desk.
“Did you ever hear such a load of steaming cock custard in your life?” Clarke asked fellow team mates in the canteen. “If he says ‘think outside the box’ one more time I’ll put him in a fucking box. That fucker even has himself fooled thinking he’s some kind of happy sales guru. The same cunt was crying on the steps at the Christmas party last year because no one would talk to him. He’s always moaning, the whinging bollocks. Glass half up his hole more like!”
Hoards of laughter filled the subsidised canteen, with each person unaware their boss was only feet away, holding back the bitter tears on the other side of the Nestle vending machine.
“It’s just like school again Jerome, but don’t you worry; those bastards will pay dearly this time around. You’re the boss now. They will all pay for what they did to you. They will all fucking pay with their jobs. Mwahahahaha,” he thought to himself, spurting out the maniacal laugh at the end.
“MWAHAHAHA,” He added for effect.