Dickhead Boss Wants To Hit The Ground Running In 2025

A COMPLETE visual replica of a gaping arsehole, local boss Jamie McCartlin, has informed staff on their first day back in 2025 that he wants to hit the ground running this year.

In a circular email sent to staff that immediately led to rolling of eyes seen by WWN, McCartlin spoke of wanting ‘100%’ from staff, pointing to a less than stellar last quarter and how ‘some people around here won’t get away with coasting for another year’.

“Not only is it the bastarding 2nd of January, it’s a Thursday. Save it for the first Monday of the year at the very least,” groused employee Cormac D’Arcy, who had hit the ground in 2025 and stayed there, hoping to sneak in a quick nap while no one way looking.

“My internal work clock remains switched off until the Christmas Tree is fucked in the field down the road. So even if I wanted to hit, slam, bate the ground in 2025 it’ll have to wait,” offered Carmel Tullan, who didn’t make it past the first sentence in her boss’ email which began ‘New Year, New Focused Workforce’.

For his part, McCartlin feels he is simply leading by example.

“This ship is crew only, no passengers if you get what I’m saying. The only coasting around her is being done by the coastline down the way,” McCartlin said, communicating in empty jargon which appeared to make sense to him.

Following up the email with a quick speech to the troops, McCartlin felt his message was getting through.

“I won’t sugarcoat it, I need soldiers, people who eat, sleep and breathe this job. ,” concluded McCartlin, who neglected to mentioned he was offing on a two week skiing trip to Austria at the end of the month.

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