WATERFORD native Kenneth Farraher has reluctantly completed his mandatory annual watch of festive favourite Love, Actually with his wife Marie, during which time he mocked and derided most of the movie’s soppy love stories; apart from the scene where Emma Thompson finds out Alan Rickman was cheating on her and she went up to her… Read more »
NEW research into the beliefs and behaviours of under-10s has shown that in order to buy into the complicated rituals and logistics surrounding the myth of Santa Claus, kids must be fairly fucking stupid or at least seriously gullible, WWN can report. The findings show that in order for any right-minded human to believe that… Read more »
TRAMORE native Noel Cross has been handed a strict list of demands from local authorities in regards to the Christmas illuminations around his home, in a bid to avert a number of potentially fatal incidents arising from the sheer amount of flashing shit he has going at the same time. Cross has 4 days to bring… Read more »
WWN is sad to report the news today that a pregnant woman only known as ‘Mary’ has found herself homeless, and goes through the daily routine of being kicked out of the hotel she resides in as she waits for permanent accommodation. Understandably, Mary is kicked off the property of the central Dublin hotel she… Read more »
SOURCES close to the Waterford community of Tramore have revealed that a local goodie two shoes kid doesn’t want any presents this Christmas, preferring instead for the money normally spent on presents to go charity. Little Ellen Melligan (7) made the request to her parents over dinner earlier this week after being deeply affected by… Read more »
THE much-loved Indiana Jones series of movies will be absent from TV screens this Christmas, after several far-right groups claimed that the whip-cracking archaeological adventures paint the Nazi party in an incredibly bad light, and may incite hatred and violence against the organisation. Although the movies starring Harrison Ford have featured Dr. Henry ‘Indiana’ Jones… Read more »
NEW legislation has been rushed through the courts ahead of the Christmas Season, to ensure that every Irish household has their Christmas tree up before the annual Late Late Toy Show, with heavy penalties for those who miss the deadline. The new law gives people just days to get their tree down from the attic… Read more »
A WATERFORD man’s claim that a 24-pack of Budweiser cans priced at €25 would be sufficient to cover him for the entire Christmas period has been found to be either a gross miscalculation based on out-of-date data, or a blatant, outright lie. Mick Haskill made the claim while shopping with his wife Carrie in Waterford… Read more »
THE unveiling of the annual John Lewis Christmas ad has sparked a mass panic among consumers, who have rushed their nearest branch of the department store in a bid to snap up a few upright pianos, pink-lensed glasses, cocaine and Watford FC season tickets. The high-end retailer which has become famous in the past ten… Read more »
DUBLIN CITY COUNCIL has apologised profusely for their failure to erect Christmas decorations at the beginning of this month, August, with many aghast at the sight of Irish streets unadorned with gaudy neon, Christmas-themed lighting. The council has promised a raft of resignations and firings to appease a public who can’t believe it took this… Read more »