Tag: crime

Heartwarming! These Scumbags Joined Forces & Realised They Could Commit More Crimes Together

IN RESPONSE to a greater community awareness and increasing cooperation among neighbours to tackle burglaries and theft, a group of downtrodden and frustrated scumbags resolved to share their expertise and resources after they realised they would be able to commit more crimes if they committed them together. This is one heartwarming story you’re going to… Read more »

Mafia Distance Themselves From Comparisons To FIFA

THE MAFIA has been quick to distance themselves from comparisons to football’s governing body FIFA after it emerged two witnesses in a corruption case against former FIFA executives have turned up dead in recent days, WWN confirm. “Hey now, don’t drag our names into this, you’re making us look bad,” confirmed mafia spokesmademan Tony Palatino,… Read more »

Friday Night Ruined After Massive Drugs Haul

THE DRUG TAKING portion of the population of Ireland has entered a period of mourning, following news that a tiny fraction of the drugs consumed of a weekend were being seized by Gardaí in county Meath, WWN can confirm. Friday night sessions across the country have been ruined as a result, with recreational drug users… Read more »

Nobody Shot In Dublin Today [UPDATED]

FOLLOWING months of gangland violence that has produced an ever-heightening pile of bodies, WWN can report that nobody has been shot in Dublin today. The whole day passed without incident, fostering a feeling that the guards were in control of the situation, and that human life still had value in the city. With no bullets… Read more »