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Category: LOCAL NEWS
Detectives Investigating Shatter Threat Start With Names Beginning With ‘A’ In Phone Book
BOMB SQUAD detectives investigating white powder in an envelope sent to Alan Shatter’s house today have begun their search in the ‘A’ section of the Dublin phone book, they have revealed. Investigators left Mr. Shatters estate shortly after 11am this morning following the discovery of the parcel, which was believed to have been a hoax… Read more »
Waterford City Mayor Calls For Regional Holiday As County Tops Alcohol Abuse List
WATERFORD CITY Mayor, Cllr. James Simmons has called for a regional holiday to celebrate the county topping Ireland’s alcohol abuse list this week. It was estimated that more than 40,000 people in Ireland needed treatment between 2008 and 2012, with Waterford having the highest number of new cases per head of population. “This is a… Read more »
‘Music fan’ Currently Reciting Frankie Knuckles Wiki Page
IRISH man Derek Holden woke up in a panic today after realising ‘The Grandfather of House’, Frankie Knuckles, had died late last night. Mr. Holden, who regularly checks his iPhone before leaving his bed in the morning, Googled the dead DJ’s name, in a desperate bid to recite some form of acceptable dialogue for later… Read more »
Attractive Woman Kicked Out Of Bed For Eating Biscuits
PART-TIME promotional model and former Bebo Stunner Natasha D’Arcy found her one-night stand with a local man last Saturday night cut short, following her decision to interrupt a lovemaking session with a quick snack. The highly attractive 24 year old had enjoyed a night of socialising with Mark Deeghan, also 24, in their native town… Read more »
Dublin Man Tells Facebook How Great His Mother Is Instead Of Mother
DALKEY man Gary Gleeson woke up with great intentions this mothers day morning by telling everyone of his Facebook friends how great his mother is – without actually ever mentioning it to herself. The son of two gathered a wide variety of words to describe how much he appreciates the woman who brought him into… Read more »
Anti-Austerity Campaigner To Finally Stop Protesting And Get a Job
VOCAL anti-austerity campaigner Breainduin MacDermott-Ryan is to finally quit his four year battle against the government, in an attempt to get a job. The 26 year old arts graduate and former member of the Occupy Dame Street movement has come under pressure in recent years from his parents to get work and move out of… Read more »
‘Giz A Go Of Your Fanny’ Still Ireland’s Most Popular Chat Up Line, Study Reveals
Following extensive research carried out by the Institute of Studies, WWN can confirm that the most frequently used chat up line in Ireland is, for the 18th year in a row, ‘Giz a go of your fanny’. While Ireland outwardly portrays itself as a nation populated by urbane tech-savvy citizens, the harsh reality is our… Read more »
Brian O’Driscoll Takes Well Deserved Shit On Grafton Street After Being Granted Freedom Of Dublin
RUGBY STAR Brian O’Driscoll marked his freedom of Dublin city this morning by taking a well deserved shit on Grafton street. O’Driscoll, who is widely regarded as Ireland’s best ever rugby union player, made his way down to the capital’s busiest street at half past seven this morning to take the dump, one, he said,… Read more »