UKRAINIAN president Volodymyr Zelenskyy has been very quiet about where he got the money for all his new arms, prompting suspicion that US President Joe Biden has pulled a classic grandparent move of tucking a few quid into his back pocket and swearing him to secrecy.
“Now did Grampa Joe give you the money for those surface-to-air missile defence systems, we’re not mad we just want to know,” Zelenskyy was asked today by the Russian government, while President Biden winked and mouthed the words ‘say nothing’.
Zelenskyy stayed true to his deal with the US however, and bounded off with a mischievous smile on his face to distribute his cool new military hardware to his friends on the frontline, while the Russians had a quiet word with old man Biden about how he can’t keep giving money to Ukraine.
“Look, Joe, we know you want to be like this kindly old grandad to Ukraine, but you have to understand we’re trying to subjugate these people at the minute and you’re kinda mucking it all up,” a delegate for Vladimir Putin said in a stern address to the White House today.
“You know he’s just going to use that money to get into trouble, and that’s something we have to deal with, not you. It’s all well and good to be the favourite grandparent handing over 33bn dollars in aid, but you’re not going to be there when he’s shooting down our planes or blowing up our tanks. So please, for everyone’s sake, just stay out of it”.
Biden has shrugged off the pleas from Russian, citing that ‘ah it’s only a few coppers for the young lad’ as an excuse.