Chelsea Fans Looking Forward To Seeing What Billionaire They Have To Suck Up To Next

WITH Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich tearfully selling his beloved club in a very genuine and must-be-taken-at-face-value bid to raise much needed funding for the besieged people of Ukraine, fans of the blues are wondering; who steps up now?

Currently on the market for a mere 3 billion euro, the storied London club is being eyed up by the following potential buyers:

Amal abul-Al Jawardi

With many questioning Abramovich’s ties to the brutal Russian regime, many feel the time is right for an owner from Saudi Arabia such as Mr. abul-Al Jawardi. The Saudi billionaire has been frequently photographed with many heads of state and as such, his record in human rights abuses and the covering-up of same should be peerless.

Michael Mahon

Staying closer to home, Irish billionaire Michael Mahon could make an offer on the club he’s followed since they started winning trophies. Mahon was believed to have links with the Irish drug scene, but appears in recent years to have made the bulk of his money posing for pictures with boxers in Dubai. Chelsea fans can look forward to explaining that one!

John ‘Big Hoss’ Campbell

Yeehaw! Perhaps the club will go to Texan oil tycoon and gun lobbyist John Campbell, who earned the nickname ‘Big Hoss’ after realising he liked the sound of it and ordering everyone to call him that. Campbell has expressed an interest in the club, stating that it would make a nice addition to his portfolio which includes sending rockets to Pluto ‘for the hell of it’.

Broman Brabramanoviss

A late contender for owner has arrived, and this one is a mystery. Whoever Broman Brabramanoviss is, he’s wealthy, likes living in London and is definitely not Russian. It even says it on his LinkedIn – ‘not Russian’. Well, as long as he pumps money into the club, most Chelsea fans won’t really look too closely at where it’s coming from. Welcome aboard!