Fitbit Recall Sees Thousands Of Customer Trying To Remember Which Drawer They Left It In
CALORIE burning incentivising fitness tech giant Fitbit has confirmed the wrist burning quality of over 1.7 million of their products, forcing a massive recall and a mad scramble among customers who can’t remember when they last used their one.
“The little buzzing, the ‘up your step count’ reminders… I lasted two days with that shite before I binned it,” confirmed one person who avoided the Ionic battery version of the ‘wearable’ from burning them by simply giving up on fitness endeavours.
The Google owned tech outfit has confirmed refunds will be offered to all customers but not to bum them out with pictures of any severe burns because they get easily nauseous.
“Great, so now you’re telling me the thing on my wrist that monitors my bloods oxygen levels, constantly appraising my mortality and sending me into an anxious existential spiral was also trying to burn me alive?” confirmed one former Fitbit customer, as they looked down the back of the couch for their Fitbit, TV remote, that one ear ring and their keys.
“At first I thought it was going to be a great idea but then realised that I don’t need to spend money on something to monitor my every move, that’s what the wife is for,” confirmed one non-Fitbit owner.
“My ex got it for me one Christmas as a subtle hint she now thought I was a fat bastard, so naturally I fucked the thing a drawer somewhere, the question is which one,” said another Fitbit customer using his nose to sniff out any burning smells.