Restuarant Not Doing Take Aways Anymore, Fuck Off

AFTER months of pleading to loyal customers to give them a dig out during some of the longest business shutdowns in world history, local restaurant The Lamb’s Leg has decided it will no longer cater for home deliveries anymore and to please fuck off asking as they’re too busy with real customers now, thanks.

Forced to remodel their business during Covid-19 restrictions to deliver their highly sought-after menu straight to your door, owner Mark Cahill has opted to leave his team of uncontracted delivery drivers go, citing ‘we don’t need you anymore’ reasons behind his decision.

“Yeah, thanks for the 14 months of risking your lives delivering our food and that, you did a great job, sure ye must be loaded in tips now you could start your own restaurants,” Cahill told his drivers, aware cashless payments were used to avoid tipping by most, “listen, if we need you to work some shitty hours again for very little money during the worst pandemic in recent history then I’ll give you shout”.

Content in the knowledge the Irish government have now everything under control and there’s no more variants left in the world at’all at’all, Cahill called on his clientele, now accustomed to take away, to make their way down to his new outdoor area to pay 30% extra for their meals instead.

“We have to factor in the new costs so apologies for the price hikes,” Cahill told one customer, “oh ’tis mad now the way it’s gone, but sure look, all we can do is adapt and keep going,” he concluded, before putting the 20 euro tip intended for the waitress into his own pocket despite him not serving the table.