Local Man Sits Down To Pee These Days

Share:

DEFENDING a recent trip to the toilet in the early hours of this morning where he sat down to urinate, local man Mark Dalton blamed tiredness as being the factor behind his new sitting routine.

Accidentally spotted at 6.36am by his son James who was also going for a ‘normal stand-up pee’, Dalton was left embarrassed and feeling a little less masculine when the unsuspecting 17-year-old opened the unlocked bathroom door, revealing his aging parent.

“But why dad, why?” James reportedly screamed at his squatting father, urine tearing into the toilet water below like machine gun fire from a Vietnam war-era US helicopter, “you’re not even pooing dad, what the fuck are you doing sitting down there?”

The incident, which sparked a rather worried conversation among family members at breakfast time, was flagged by wife Deirdre Dalton as her husband sat down at the kitchen table.

“You know you can tell us anything, Mark,” she pried, unprepared for her husband’s groundbreaking admission.

“It’s only early morning pees I sit down for, when I have to get up out of bed half asleep and my eyes are half shut,” the distraught 43-year-old stressed, now standing up and making a dash for the door, before turning around and screaming, “I wouldn’t dare sit down to pee during the day. That’s not the type of person I am. I swear to God. Just leave me alone. You don’t even know me. No one does”.

Despite repeated knocks on his bedroom door, Mark Dalton was not available for further comment on the matter but reports inside the family confirmed he has made at least two standing up pees since this morning’s incident.

More as we get it.

Share:
X