Mossad Asked To Help Clear Irish Passport Backlog

ISRAELI Intelligence Agency Mossad has been formally asked by the Department of Foreign Affairs if they could give the Irish passport offices a dig-out and help clear a growing backlog of unissued passports, WWN has learned.

Previously chastised in 2010 when it emerged Mossad agents carrying fake Irish passports had assassinated Palestinian commander Mahmoud Al-Mabhouh in a Dubai hotel, the Israeli agency will now secure a €2bn contract to step in a create thousands more Irish passports.

“The quality of the passports are even better than our own and we expect to clear this queue in no time,” said Minister of State for European Affairs Thomas Byrne, before excusing the delays, “there’s a lot of issues right now, including the availability of red cows to make the red leather passport covers, along with the war in Ukraine, global supply chains and covid, monkey pox, whatever’s plausible to the public really”.

Following the move, the once named Passport Express will now be renamed again for a second time in months from Post Passport to the more appropriate ‘For Fucks Sakes Can We Do Anything Right Passport’.

Meanwhile, Palestinian or Iranian nationals who have recently received Irish citizenship and wishing to travel abroad will not be catered for by the new Mossad office for Irish passport processing, ‘for obvious reasons’.