FOLLOWING the revelation that vocal anti-Vladimir Putin campaigner Aleksy Navalny is being treated for what doctors are referring to as a ‘reaction to a chemical substance’, journalists around the world have rushed to condemn the Kremlin for what they see as a blatant attack on free speech and justice, orchestrated and overseen by Putin himself.
Not us at WWN however; we would like to take this opportunity to say Mr. Putin is a fine, honest politician, who we admire and respect almost as much as we enjoy breathing in that cool, fresh Waterford air. Here’s the 5 things we love about him the best:
1) That Putin sure is handsome
While everyone else in the media are tripping over themselves to connect Putin to the deaths of dozens of Kremlin-critical journalists over the duration of his leadership, we at WWN would like to take a moment and draw your attention to just how good looking the man is. And fresh, too; can you believe he’s 66? We couldn’t. We were like ‘nah, that man is 40, tops’.
2) He copes stunningly well under pressure
Look, if we had a whole section of lying journalists trying to connect us to the shooting-down of a passenger airliner, we’re pretty certain that we’d be showing the signs of stress. Not Vlad, he doesn’t let baseless allegations like the ones surrounding flight MH118 get to him. And why should he? He had nothing to do with it! That was Ukrainian lads!
3) Nothing has been proven
If Putin was involved in wrong-doings, there’d be proof, right? It’s not his fault that anyone looking into him, be they journalists, opposition politicians, state agencies and the like, tend to ring in dead on an alarmingly regular basis. That’s just life in Russia, isn’t it? It’s cold. People die. Some people fall down on bullets and some people accidentally eat radioactive material. Shit happens. Get off the man’s case.
4) Really, just a great dude
We love him, almost as we love our lives. Top guy. Can’t say enough good about him. Other journalists seem to want to put their
lives reputations on the line by attempting to expose Putin; we say, what’s there to expose? Why can’t everyone and their families just live in peace? We just had a baby, please.
5) Putin, PUTIN, PUTIN, PUTIN!!!
Chant it with us now! We love you Putin, we do! Oh, Putin we love you! And to any Russian internet monitoring service reading this, please just read this article and accept how much we admire your leader. You don’t need to hack our search history. We love the guy, leave it at that.