“If I Apologised For Everything, We’d Be Here All Day”


US President Donald Trump has drawn a line under any apologies that the public may expect him to give, stating that there’s only so many hours in a day to get work done as a president without all this ‘atonement’ bullshit.

The president made the statement following a question from a journalist surrounding Trump’s campaign in the 80s for the death penalty against the Central Park 5, five young black men who were wrongfully detained for up to 13 years for the rape of a woman in New York.

Asked if he would issue an apology for his public campaign, which included a full-page ads in several newspapers calling for the execution of the men, Trump laughed it off and asked ‘what would you like me to apologise for after that?’

“The pussy grabbing? The election shit with Russia? I have work to do, I can’t be up here apologising for everything!” said Trump, seemingly annoyed at the notion that he would have to answer for his actions.

“Presidenting is way harder than you think. I have to walk from here to way over there, just to be in my office. You expect me to do that, and apologise for nearly having 5 young black men killed? Come on now, let’s be realistic. I’m way too busy, and they’re way too not white”.

Trump then went on to spend five hours tweeting about how great his decision to not apologise was, backing it up with claims that everyone loves how good at not apologising he is.