Category: HEALTH

New Study Reveals Irish Bodies Made Up Of 60% Tea

A STUDY published today by the Institute of Studies has sensationally revealed the extent of which tea drinking has affected evolution of the Irish people. Record keepers maintain that the Irish are among the elite drinkers of the hot beverage in the world consuming an average of about 4.8 pounds per person every year. Using… Read more »

Drunk Children Funnier, Finds Survey

INTOXICATED CHILDREN are more than 300% funnier than their sober counterparts, a new survey carried out by scientists revealed today. Toddlers as young as two years old were said to be the funniest out of a group of 600 children tested by neurological experts at Oxford University, England. Researchers divided the children into three categories:… Read more »

Every Fucking Thing May Pose Cancer Risk, Finds Study

EVERY fucking thing may pose a high risk of cancer, according to a controversial new study published that contradicts previous research that says the opposite of the first study, the study claimed today. Oxford University found that everything you eat, drink, smell and touch can put you at a much higher risk of getting the… Read more »

Moon Drunk

IRISH ASTRONOMERS have warned today that the moon is totally drunk and facing the wrong way around. People are being asked not to stare at the moon as it doesn’t like that kind of thing at all. Earths only satellite showed up twisted in the sky at around 6pm this afternoon, after it was suspected… Read more »

Teenager Catches Her Death In That Thing

Tragedy has struck a close knit community in the capital yesterday following the death of 16-year-old student Clara Hegarty. WWN has learned that Clara, from the leafy Dublin suburb of Stillorgan, defied her father’s instruction not to wear ‘that thing’ for fear that she would catch her death. The transition year student was later found… Read more »