Have You Been Regurgitating Food Into Your Child’s Mouth Wrong All This Time?

NEW RESEARCH suggests a growing number of parents are chewing up food and then regurgitating it into their child’s mouth in the incorrect way.

“People have suggested inventing food that comes in a paste or a liquidy form but the technology to make such things a reality are simply years away I’m afraid,” confirmed one researcher working on this project, Carl Brunthar.

As has been well documented, due to a lack of advancement in the scientific field of food composition and children’s stubborn desire not to evolve beyond their current form, humans continue to provide their offspring with essential nutrients and sustenance in a similar manner to that of birds.

“But even in the age of Google and YouTube where parents can watch tutorials on regurgitating food straight from their stomachs into their child’s mouths they’re still getting it wrong”, added Brunthar.

“It doesn’t help that human babies are useless either. A newborn foal? Galloping minutes after being birth? Lazy kids? Can’t fecking walk for about a year and jaysus, they can’t truly stand on their two feet until they’re in their 20s”.

Brunthar has cautioned parents against actually chewing and enjoying things like steak for themselves instead imploring them to swallow such things whole.

The end result of this is that a fully in tact piece of food lasts longer against bacteria and stomach acid, so when a child starts crying or giving out you can simply vomit up a full meal into their mouth that retains much of its nutrients, original form and flavour.

“I feel like a right fool now,” confirmed one new parent who had been munching to his heart’s content and only using his pharynx to bring back up piles of mushy, blood-clotted food.

The group of researchers are running classes on how to properly regurgitate food into kids mouths around the country and have rejected claims they’re just a bunch of weirdos who are acting like kid’s food jars don’t exist.