“Disgraceful Failure: Why Andy Burnham Should Resign On Day 1 As PM,” Confirms UK Media

IMMEDIATELY moving on from the resignation announcement by current PM Keir Starmer, that the media was working towards the second the Tories left government in 2024, the UK press isn’t wasting a second when it comes to Starmer’s likely successor.

“Is Burnham Two Chanel-Crossing Al Qaeda Children In A Trenchcoat?” the Mail Online’s latest headline ran, as building the case as to why Burnham is Britain’s worst ever PM was sprung into action.

“You might be taking a Farage Reform UK win at the next general election and subsequent gutting of regulations, more tax breaks for the rich and NHS privatisation for granted, but blaming Labour for 14 years of Tory government policies is a 24/7 job,” confirmed the editors of several prominent daily newspapers.

‘Burnham Wants Life Sentence For People Flying St George’s Flag’, ‘Shocking Reveal: Burnham Has Halal Wife’ and ‘It’s Coming Gnome: Burnham Ditches England Game To Bonk Garden Gnome’ are among several headlines expected in the coming hours as the UK media prepares the public for the altered reality it expects voters to live in.

If the UK media was successful in securing Burnham’s resignation on day one, it is expected that everyone in Britain will have held the position of PM by 2032.

Meanwhile, it is believed millions of Britons are still unaware that Keir Starmer has resigned due to the fact he is so devoid of charisma everyone zoned out seconds into his resignation speech. Elsewhere, research shows that 7 in 10 Britons will not notice the change in leadership due to the fact both Starmer and Burnham wear glasses.